V8 has nothing on what I need....

Hi everyone!

Just once, I would love to go to a chemo and have the chemo and no issues around it!!!

Saw Dr. P on the 9th - he had been on holiday and was well rested!!! Meghan came with me as my second set of ears. I asked him that if this round of chemo didn't work - what would be next - more chemo was the reply, either via an IV or an oral drug. So, it is a wait and see. I also found out that I wasn't using my pain meds correctly. I would take them when the legs were painful. Nope - should be taking the two meds on an ongoing basis - never thought of that! Also spoke to him about "alternative" therapies. Not that they are against it - that is how chemo started - using a few trees. They do tell you to be careful - and I have to agree - with some of the "natural" products, you do need to check and see what is in etc - and amounts. So, for the moment, will stick with chemo!!! I took a list of questions and he answered them all. And also, included side effects. I did ask him about the white count boosters - again he is not wanting me to do them - expensive (some of them are $2500 a session and one is $6000 a month). And he feels that they won't make all that much of a difference. (think the threat of them made my white count go up!)

Now - chemo day!!! I had Trace again - he is so much fun (unfortunately, I didn't get a good pix of him today, as he was attending to a new patient). And he is a walking chemo expert. I sat in the chair and he said well..... my hemoglobin counts were very low - we are talking 79 - they were 120 around August 20, my white count was great - 1.6 - wahooo. So, looks like transfusion time. Trace called Dr. P and explained - the cold hands, going up the stairs and feeling tired, the white inside of eyelids and me feeling cold when everyone else is warm. We thought it might happen today - that would have been a hell of a chemo session! (transfusions take about 2.5 hours per pint and you get two). Gary told Trace for me to come and see him in the North Clinic - to sign the paperwork for the transfusion. Should be Monday or Tuesday - two pints, same place that draws my blood etc - I love my port. And also, Gary gave the ok to go ahead with the chemo. Which progressed as it should.

Claudia came with me today -we used to work together. Told her it would be boring, but think she may have learned something today - you always do at chemo. Each time I go, I learn something new. And we had a lot of fun - she took some good pictures! Should have told her that I want to be in her luggage on November when she goes on another cruise! Will sure miss her whenever I go back to work!

So, I have chemo on Sept 17th. CT on Sept 24 (will be using the Cancer Car for this). Dr. P on Sept 29 and then chemo on Oct 1 and ct 8. Any other appointments - well, will just have them and depending on what they are, will be reported here!

Well, now that you know all about the visit with Dr. P, lab work, the chemo session and the time for the blood transfusion, time for me to just add some words on me.

Today was, for a better choice of words - my 1 year anniversary of chemo. I started on Sept 10 last year. It is Shannon's birthday - she is 27 today and also CW & Leina's 3rd anniversary!!! I was going to dye my hair pink, but I could not find colouring anywhere.... oh, well, the thought was there!

For those of you who have been following the blog and those that are around me, you have noticed that I am always upbeat and happy etc. For the most part, I am, but for a lot of it, I am not - I tend to do this for others more than me. One can only keep so much inside and I guess I am in overflow mode! People ask if I am scared - hell yes - I am scared to death as to what is going to happen, when the counts go way down or the chemo doesn't work. I have no control of my life right now and that drives me crazy. What happens if this chemo doesn't work, what else is out there - and I try and think positive, but within me there is a voice that says what "she" thinks. I hate gut feelings. The tears have been coming a lot more often of late; sleep has been harder - mind won't shut off and it has nothing to do with the cancer. Meds help sometimes and sometimes not. Brian mentioned this and maybe I need to talk to someone, and I am so glad that he did. So I told Gary and he spoke with the counselor for the cancer agency. She called me this morning - while I am having a hot and wonderful, lavender bubble bath - complete with candles! There is just too much stuff going on and it is affecting me both emotionally and physicaly than I had expected - trying to always being upbeat when you feel crappy! I will see Maureen (counsellor) more than likely next Thursday. I have my will in place as well as the important one, the Living Will (and everyone should have this and their will in place). You feel scared, doing a living will, it is talking about reality, pulling the plug (for lack of better words) - and this will be hard for Brian to do as well as my kids.

I have noticed over the months, that less and less people make comments on the blog, I know you are reading them - I have a counter, and I have made it easier to comment as well. I told Brian the other day, I hear from no one.... and that hurts. I know that for a lot of people they don't know what to say – and you have your own life to lead. Hell, tell me how your garden is doing, your quilting, you kids or grand kids. Come over for a glass of wine or a cuppa coffee or tea. What I don't like, is when people saying they will come over and then don't show. Please don't do that - it hurts - I look forward to company. A good friend called me the other day, and I said thank you for calling, have not heard from anyone for almost 2 weeks – and she felt guilty – she didn't call as she thought I might be sleeping. Call - it doesn't matter if I am sleeping.... probably time for me to get up anyhow!

So, please, be there for me - and I know it sounds selfish,, but I need my friends. I need the physical contact wth people. Seems like everyone has fallen off the face of the earth. And I know, yes, you are all busy people, work and your friends and family. But I need you too!

So, call me and let's go for a coffee somewhere, a walk (on the level please!), glass of wine, talk about gardening and I know there are a few of you out there! (I will be planting a bunch of bulbs soon, subtle hint!)

I am very excited about the upcoming birth of my 4th grandchild - Madelynn Sierra! All the cute clothing that is out for girls. I don't understand why not equal amounts for little boys! Gammie has bought a few outfits (joys of clearance racks), We are all excited about her birth - maybe we should do a pool to guess her weight - long as she is smaller then what Ryan weighed at birth!!!

Patrick is in the last stages of signing up for the military - he is going Navy! His father and I are both very proud of him. Once all the paperwork has been approved, he will be sworn in, and I plan on being there for that - as is Brian, Rick (Patrick's Dad) and Chantal. Yes, it means he will be away - but hell, there is this lovely thing called the Internet and also good excuse to see the Maritimes!

I know that Shannon has been very busy with work and the fall campaign. She works too long if you ask me - but she is very passionate about her work and how it can help so many people!! Very proud for what she is doing. Hard to believe she is 27 now - I can remember (ok, only some of it - stop laughing Ardene and Rick!!) when she was born - having this tiny child in my arms to look after for life - amazing for sure.

Brian is now at work and has been for 2 weeks - guess they really start next week to work on the vehicles for VANOC - 2010 - wonder if he can score some good tickets - just kidding.

If I have made some of you cry - and I know there will be a few - I am glad - it means you are alive and feeling what I am talking about - and it is good to cry once in a while - cleans out the eyeballs and the soul!!

There you have it - good stuff - and it is all good. Means I am alive and surviving! And that is what is important!

Hugz to you all!

Roni