'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

So, what is like to live with someone who is dealing with a terminal illness? To start off I can’t tell you. I can however, share with you what it is like to live with a Cancer Warrior.

She starts her day with a standard morning routine, that is to say she puts her pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. The rest of us head off to work, the mall, the gym or where ever. Our Warrior readies for battle…ever day.

Over the last year and a half or so she has waged a very personal war against an unrelenting disease that ravages her body. This disease knows no sympathy, no empathy, no compassion. From the get-go she was told there is no cure but it can be slowed down. Now anyone who follows this blog knows that modern medical science has not prevailed, cancer continues to win each battle. Roni has endure four different chemo cocktails, each with it own peculiar side effects. Some of these effects have been quite apparent, i.e. the loss of hair. Others are more subtle, perhaps only her kids and I would notice these changes. She has endured two hospital stays when the chemo knocked her immune system to hell and back and a one day visit to VGH to have port put in to a vein so she would no longer be getting IV needles into veins that were becoming increasingly hard to find. This ongoing battle has bloodied and wearied our Warrior but still she steadfastly soldiers on.

I have been privileged to share this journey with a woman who does not know how to quit. Roni has taught me much about courage and determination. Taking one day at a time she unknowingly inspires many of us. I’ve been kicking around this chunk granite for more than half a century and I can honestly say I do not know many men who have balls as big as the pair this woman has.

I’ve learned that when one is forced to confront their own mortality there are generally five stages:

1.Denial:Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening."
2.Anger: Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"
3.Bargaining: Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."
4.Depression: Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"
5.Acceptance: Example - "It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

Denial never happened. This is Roni second go-round with cancer so there simply was no denial. Anger never really happened either. Previous experience has taught Roni not to waste time and energy on getting mad over something you can’t control. The energy is better invested in combating the disease. Bargaining did briefly occur but again Roni quickly realized that she had no chip to bargain with. Depression, perhaps a little but ‘happy pills’ help and the doctors are on side when it comes to the mental health issues. This not to say that Roni, or for that matter the rest of us, don’t have bad days and sad moments. We work through it and with hugs and tears… the sun rises then next day.

Roni’s primary oncologist, as you know, has told us they have exhausted their bag of tricks. The focus now shifts to quality of life rather than quantity. This where you all come in, Team Roni members all need to step up and be a friend. Phone, email, letters or cards, take her for lunch, invite her for dinner, come share some wine, join Country Dancing Boobies. Ostriches are not allowed; your head in the sand will not make this go away!! If you are so inclined, with spring coming, come and putter around the garden with Roni. Share a story, a laugh, a few tears, hugs, a prayer…we all have something to offer.

Fighting Cancer is a team sport,
Get on a Team.


Brian