Hi everyone!
Well, the last three weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me and for my family and friends. There were lots of tears from me to say the least.
I had friends come over to visit with food and wine - I like this! My brother Donnie came down from Clearwater with my oldest niece, Elaine (she is actually older than me - ok, by 20 days!). Had a semi family reunion - my oldest sister Margaret came over with her daughter Margie and her son Tommy and his girlfriend Kim. Patrick made heck of an awesome prime rib roast! We had a great time visiting, laughing and crying.
I got set up with the Tri-Cities Home care folks - and have had two visits from them already! The woman who came on Friday is coming again April 1st - she wants to hear what happened with two doctor visits. I really don't need them yet - I have no intentions of leaving this earth for quite a while, thank you very much!!
But, now we come to my visit with Dr. Klimo this afternoon. Shannon came with me - my extra ears! After checking to make sure there were no extra lumps and bumps on me, we went into his office. He checked my file and asked what the cancer agency had said. Basically, no more they could do and they gave up on me. Well, there is no way this doctor is giving up on me! There were several different treatments he is going to try. From the sounds of two of them, one is oral and the other is a muscular injection - owie! And not sure what else he has up his sleeve. His comment to me was I was too young to be given up on and there are treatments to help. Now the downside to all of this is that some of the drugs are not covered by our medical plan, but he said he had never heard of an insurance company refusing to pay for the drug through extended medical. Not sure which one of two drugs he mentioned today is the one not covered or if these are even the drugs he is going to use! He mentioned Faslodex (Fulvestrant) and Exemestane (Aromasin). My treatments will no longer be at the cancer clinic in Surrey, but will be going to Lions Gate Hospital and using their chemotherapy department - long drive, but worth it. I went to register at the clinic and then they said they would call me about chemo teach - told her I could teach it, that I had been on chemo for over 18 months! So, will wait to hear from the hospital.
I also asked him about genetic testing for Shannon, Meghan and Patrick - he said it is a good idea and guess his office will set it up. With having so many cases of breast cancer so close in the family, it is good to get it checked! So, again will have to wait to hear back from his office.
Then it was time for Shannon and I to have lunch at the Quay in North Van. We picked up some meat, cheeses, olives, bread and a tapenade and sat outside in the sun and just enjoyed the afternoon. Talked lots and lost track of time. We wandered through the Quay and poked into some of the stores - ohhhh there were some good ones! Shall have to do that again, for sure!
I go and see Dr. Pansegrau next week - and will let him know that I have gone with Dr. Klimo. And then say goodbye to the nurses - that will be hard - they have been so good. And so has Gary - not his fault BCCA won't think outside of the box.
My friend Rae, when she was volunteering for the Olympics, knitted a whole bunch of hats for cancer patients to wear when they lose their hair. I am taking some to Surrey and some to Lions Gate for patients there. Thank you so much Rae, this means a great deal to me and especially for patients!
I am looking forward to next week. Two very special friends are coming up from the States to visit me. Carol and Mary Margaret - I can't wait. I have been friends with these two ladies for 8 years and never met them. Well, met MM for about an hour in 2003! We met through and online support group "Belly Dancers with Breast Cancer" and we have been through thick and thin together. Hope they won't change their minds when they read this blog!!!
The Olympics and Paralympics are now done! What an exciting time it was here in Vancouver and in Whistler! The world saw our beautiful city, the weather was beautiful (though at times not too great for some of the events). Canada received the most gold medals ever won - it was fantastic!! The Paralympics were so good - and the city just came alive with them as well. Everyone has their own little memory of the games and these will stay with them forever!
Thank you for all the prayers that were sent my way - I got them all - and well, it worked for now and that is what counts!
And now, I think I will go and have a glass of wine - been a very good day!
Ciao for now!
Roni
Monday, March 22, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
So, what is like to live with someone who is dealing with a terminal illness? To start off I can’t tell you. I can however, share with you what it is like to live with a Cancer Warrior.
She starts her day with a standard morning routine, that is to say she puts her pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. The rest of us head off to work, the mall, the gym or where ever. Our Warrior readies for battle…ever day.
Over the last year and a half or so she has waged a very personal war against an unrelenting disease that ravages her body. This disease knows no sympathy, no empathy, no compassion. From the get-go she was told there is no cure but it can be slowed down. Now anyone who follows this blog knows that modern medical science has not prevailed, cancer continues to win each battle. Roni has endure four different chemo cocktails, each with it own peculiar side effects. Some of these effects have been quite apparent, i.e. the loss of hair. Others are more subtle, perhaps only her kids and I would notice these changes. She has endured two hospital stays when the chemo knocked her immune system to hell and back and a one day visit to VGH to have port put in to a vein so she would no longer be getting IV needles into veins that were becoming increasingly hard to find. This ongoing battle has bloodied and wearied our Warrior but still she steadfastly soldiers on.
I have been privileged to share this journey with a woman who does not know how to quit. Roni has taught me much about courage and determination. Taking one day at a time she unknowingly inspires many of us. I’ve been kicking around this chunk granite for more than half a century and I can honestly say I do not know many men who have balls as big as the pair this woman has.
I’ve learned that when one is forced to confront their own mortality there are generally five stages:
1.Denial:Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening."
2.Anger: Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"
3.Bargaining: Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."
4.Depression: Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"
5.Acceptance: Example - "It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
Denial never happened. This is Roni second go-round with cancer so there simply was no denial. Anger never really happened either. Previous experience has taught Roni not to waste time and energy on getting mad over something you can’t control. The energy is better invested in combating the disease. Bargaining did briefly occur but again Roni quickly realized that she had no chip to bargain with. Depression, perhaps a little but ‘happy pills’ help and the doctors are on side when it comes to the mental health issues. This not to say that Roni, or for that matter the rest of us, don’t have bad days and sad moments. We work through it and with hugs and tears… the sun rises then next day.
Roni’s primary oncologist, as you know, has told us they have exhausted their bag of tricks. The focus now shifts to quality of life rather than quantity. This where you all come in, Team Roni members all need to step up and be a friend. Phone, email, letters or cards, take her for lunch, invite her for dinner, come share some wine, join Country Dancing Boobies. Ostriches are not allowed; your head in the sand will not make this go away!! If you are so inclined, with spring coming, come and putter around the garden with Roni. Share a story, a laugh, a few tears, hugs, a prayer…we all have something to offer.
Fighting Cancer is a team sport,
Get on a Team.
Brian
And grace will lead me home.
So, what is like to live with someone who is dealing with a terminal illness? To start off I can’t tell you. I can however, share with you what it is like to live with a Cancer Warrior.
She starts her day with a standard morning routine, that is to say she puts her pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. The rest of us head off to work, the mall, the gym or where ever. Our Warrior readies for battle…ever day.
Over the last year and a half or so she has waged a very personal war against an unrelenting disease that ravages her body. This disease knows no sympathy, no empathy, no compassion. From the get-go she was told there is no cure but it can be slowed down. Now anyone who follows this blog knows that modern medical science has not prevailed, cancer continues to win each battle. Roni has endure four different chemo cocktails, each with it own peculiar side effects. Some of these effects have been quite apparent, i.e. the loss of hair. Others are more subtle, perhaps only her kids and I would notice these changes. She has endured two hospital stays when the chemo knocked her immune system to hell and back and a one day visit to VGH to have port put in to a vein so she would no longer be getting IV needles into veins that were becoming increasingly hard to find. This ongoing battle has bloodied and wearied our Warrior but still she steadfastly soldiers on.
I have been privileged to share this journey with a woman who does not know how to quit. Roni has taught me much about courage and determination. Taking one day at a time she unknowingly inspires many of us. I’ve been kicking around this chunk granite for more than half a century and I can honestly say I do not know many men who have balls as big as the pair this woman has.
I’ve learned that when one is forced to confront their own mortality there are generally five stages:
1.Denial:Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening."
2.Anger: Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"
3.Bargaining: Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."
4.Depression: Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"
5.Acceptance: Example - "It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
Denial never happened. This is Roni second go-round with cancer so there simply was no denial. Anger never really happened either. Previous experience has taught Roni not to waste time and energy on getting mad over something you can’t control. The energy is better invested in combating the disease. Bargaining did briefly occur but again Roni quickly realized that she had no chip to bargain with. Depression, perhaps a little but ‘happy pills’ help and the doctors are on side when it comes to the mental health issues. This not to say that Roni, or for that matter the rest of us, don’t have bad days and sad moments. We work through it and with hugs and tears… the sun rises then next day.
Roni’s primary oncologist, as you know, has told us they have exhausted their bag of tricks. The focus now shifts to quality of life rather than quantity. This where you all come in, Team Roni members all need to step up and be a friend. Phone, email, letters or cards, take her for lunch, invite her for dinner, come share some wine, join Country Dancing Boobies. Ostriches are not allowed; your head in the sand will not make this go away!! If you are so inclined, with spring coming, come and putter around the garden with Roni. Share a story, a laugh, a few tears, hugs, a prayer…we all have something to offer.
Fighting Cancer is a team sport,
Get on a Team.
Brian
Monday, March 1, 2010
Highs and Lows
Well – Vancouver has been on an Olympic high for 17 days – and it was fantastic! The streets were alive with Olympic fever – smiles on every face! And Canada rocked the world with the most gold medals ever won by a nation! It was an amazing time for everyone!
Patrick flew out on the 20th for his training in Quebec. And a snow storm shortly followed him! Just told him, he is not allowed to send it this way. The Olympics are over and the mountains don’t need the snow! He also bought himself a nice little truck, which Mom gets to drive till he is back - maybe I will give it back to him!!!
Brian and I went to see Dr. P today. Gary can never be a poker player – his face and eyes always give him away. We didn’t get the news that we wanted or were really prepared for. The CT scan showed that the tumours were growing again – one had gone from 1.8x1.1cm to 2.1x1.6cm; another one 1.19x1.3cm - had been 1.3x1.0cm the last time. There is clearly progression of the disease as well as some of the lesions are enlarged. In a segment of the right upper lobe is a nodule which is now 7mm in diameter compared to 5mm the last scan. We talked about chemo – there isn’t much left that they can give me or that I haven’t had already. There is one, but he feels that because of how the tumours have been reacting to the last 4 chemo drugs that this one would more than likely not work – just too hard on the body. He has put me back on Tamoxifen again. I was on it for 5 years after the first bout of cancer – but then there were no tumours. Most people tolerate this drug quite well – there are lots of side effects but I only had one or two the last time and they were very minor. One of the side effects that we will have to keep an eye out for is blood clots – I had no issue with this previously. Hot flashes (now those I will want – I am so damn cold most of the time now!!). There were a lot of tears – I just wasn’t expecting to be told they were running out of options already. He is setting up for a home care nurse to come and do an assessment. This is not for now but down the road when I may need more care. Best to have it set in place rather than scrambling in a panic. Not sure how long that will take to set up. I mentioned to him that I can’t get warm and that I am tired and not sleeping well – he replied that the cancer was active and that was my body reacting to it. I also mentioned and he asked as well, that my cough was back – the bark. He listened to my lungs which he said sounded clear, which is good, I guess. No fluid which is a very good thing. I could get lucky and get another good run on the Tamoxifen – who knows!!
I think that I will call Dr. Klimo tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment with him - I have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Not sure how long it will take to get into to see him or if I need to get Dr. Bond to refer me back to him - though it has been less than a year since I have seen him.
Right now, I am numb, not really knowing what to feel or how to react. I have talked with Shannon, Meghan and Patrick. Now I just trying to concentrate and write this blog – taken me a bit to write this amount – but that is ok, it like other things can wait. I think I am going to pour myself a nice glass of Irish whiskey and just curl up on the couch with the fire place on and then maybe the hot tub. It is going to be a fend for yourself dinner tonight!
There some good things coming up - three weddings this year. Cam and Kyara - April 25, Matt and Britt - June 12 and Leah and Colin - August 14. Good excuse to buy a new dress. We also have the Military Ball May 8 and that is always a lot of fun - means I should try on my ball gown and make sure it fits ok! I have volunteered and waiting to hear back to pour at the Vancouver Playhouse Wine Festival. And of course the Relay for Life in June.
Would love to hear from our friends – online, by phone and come on over for a visit – can make a pretty good cappuccino!!! Lunch would be fun to do as well.
All for now, my Irish is awaiting me!
Roni
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