Well – Vancouver has been on an Olympic high for 17 days – and it was fantastic! The streets were alive with Olympic fever – smiles on every face! And Canada rocked the world with the most gold medals ever won by a nation! It was an amazing time for everyone!
Patrick flew out on the 20th for his training in Quebec. And a snow storm shortly followed him! Just told him, he is not allowed to send it this way. The Olympics are over and the mountains don’t need the snow! He also bought himself a nice little truck, which Mom gets to drive till he is back - maybe I will give it back to him!!!
Brian and I went to see Dr. P today. Gary can never be a poker player – his face and eyes always give him away. We didn’t get the news that we wanted or were really prepared for. The CT scan showed that the tumours were growing again – one had gone from 1.8x1.1cm to 2.1x1.6cm; another one 1.19x1.3cm - had been 1.3x1.0cm the last time. There is clearly progression of the disease as well as some of the lesions are enlarged. In a segment of the right upper lobe is a nodule which is now 7mm in diameter compared to 5mm the last scan. We talked about chemo – there isn’t much left that they can give me or that I haven’t had already. There is one, but he feels that because of how the tumours have been reacting to the last 4 chemo drugs that this one would more than likely not work – just too hard on the body. He has put me back on Tamoxifen again. I was on it for 5 years after the first bout of cancer – but then there were no tumours. Most people tolerate this drug quite well – there are lots of side effects but I only had one or two the last time and they were very minor. One of the side effects that we will have to keep an eye out for is blood clots – I had no issue with this previously. Hot flashes (now those I will want – I am so damn cold most of the time now!!). There were a lot of tears – I just wasn’t expecting to be told they were running out of options already. He is setting up for a home care nurse to come and do an assessment. This is not for now but down the road when I may need more care. Best to have it set in place rather than scrambling in a panic. Not sure how long that will take to set up. I mentioned to him that I can’t get warm and that I am tired and not sleeping well – he replied that the cancer was active and that was my body reacting to it. I also mentioned and he asked as well, that my cough was back – the bark. He listened to my lungs which he said sounded clear, which is good, I guess. No fluid which is a very good thing. I could get lucky and get another good run on the Tamoxifen – who knows!!
I think that I will call Dr. Klimo tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment with him - I have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Not sure how long it will take to get into to see him or if I need to get Dr. Bond to refer me back to him - though it has been less than a year since I have seen him.
Right now, I am numb, not really knowing what to feel or how to react. I have talked with Shannon, Meghan and Patrick. Now I just trying to concentrate and write this blog – taken me a bit to write this amount – but that is ok, it like other things can wait. I think I am going to pour myself a nice glass of Irish whiskey and just curl up on the couch with the fire place on and then maybe the hot tub. It is going to be a fend for yourself dinner tonight!
There some good things coming up - three weddings this year. Cam and Kyara - April 25, Matt and Britt - June 12 and Leah and Colin - August 14. Good excuse to buy a new dress. We also have the Military Ball May 8 and that is always a lot of fun - means I should try on my ball gown and make sure it fits ok! I have volunteered and waiting to hear back to pour at the Vancouver Playhouse Wine Festival. And of course the Relay for Life in June.
Would love to hear from our friends – online, by phone and come on over for a visit – can make a pretty good cappuccino!!! Lunch would be fun to do as well.
All for now, my Irish is awaiting me!
Roni
32 comments:
Well CRAP!!! That wasn't the news we wanted for you!! If ever there was someone who deserved some good news it's you. Fingers crossed that the Tamoxifen will work and that Dr Klimo will have some options that will work well for you. As to the heat - I'd give anything to be able to share some with you as I always have an excess. Sending prayers for you to be able to get some good quality sleep tonight.
Love, Mavis
WTF is about all I can muster at the moment darling> I wish I was there to wrap you up in a big hug (and transfer some heat).
I have been thinking about you a lot lately -this is not what I wanted the reason to be that's for sure. I want us to be basking in the sun with our lattes like last May. Don't forget we have a date for this May - keep May 17 afternoon open.
I am going to pour myself another glass of Chilean red wine and have a drink for you, for us, and beautiful friendships that are made and grow because of this damned blackness known as cancer.
You're in my thoughts and heart always Angel friend. Hang in there. Your breast friend in PG - Bonnie
Thinking of you Roni! I love that you say, you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain... it is an amazing attitude in times where we feel down. You're inspirational and I hope that your attitude will keep you strong on days when you are weak. <3
Roni - geez girl, your friend Mavis is right - this isn't the news we are wanting for you and I'm truly sorry for the pain this is causing you and your family.
I'm crossing my fingers and everything else that the Tamoxifen will be of help and let's see what Dr Klimo may have to offer. I too, send prayers your way, let's send every good healing vibe to Roni, we want her well, God knows she deserves better than this!
Much love....
Hey Roni,
Just a quick note to say your in my mind and I think of you often.
And I'm sending a big huge cyber-hug your way.
Stop in for a tea, glass of wine,or a live hug on one of your trips out my way. Or let me know if you need some company (give me a ring)
Kindest regards,
Karen
WOW - is all I can say at the moment.... through all of the tears....
Mavis - we have not met, but you and I have a bond that is kinda funky..and I love it... you are going through your own cance issues and my love and support is with you! And damn it lady, we have to meet - somewhere in the middle between Saskatoon and Port Coquitlam!!!
Bonnie - you better believe we have a date - and hell with lattes we are having wine and lots of it..... we are each other's angels and always will be.... hard to think that the loss of a breast bought us both other - oh yeah, Ardene had something to do with this. The date is marked on my calendar! Love you lots girl. And now I can get my tattoo updated and maybe another!
Vanessa - thank you for your words of hope and love.... they are in my heart. If you ever get a spare moment (I know what is that when looking after 3 little ones - not all hers folks, she day cares)... but would love to see you. And hey, sign up for the Country Dancing Boobies and get John to as well!
Lynne - thank you so much.... we have been friends since '86 - who would have tought, huh? Please tell Kas and he can call me - we can exchange numbers throughe mail. He and I met at the hospital a while back and it was so good to get a hug from such a wonderful doctor!! I will be calling Klimo in the morning - wish me luck!
Karen - would love the company - wine of course..... we can exchange numbers via email - would love to see you again - been way too long!
Lots of love
Roni
Roni, I'm so sorry to read this you have been through so much and I hope things , start getting better with the mediation and the other doctor. You are an inspiration and a courageous lady. Thanks for sharing photos of family and olimpics, they were very exciting. We did so well and made records go Canada. You also deserve a gold metal for courage, big hugs and take care..I hope you sleep well ! Sandra erickson.,
Roni,
I'm very sorry to hear about, and read about this new disappointment in your fight. I know that you, and everyone reading this blog, were hoping for much better news.
Perhaps the Tamoxifen therapy, and Dr. Klimo will offer alternate solutions. We can hope and pray...
Rest when you can, and hot-tub when you can't...
Hi Roni, All I want to say is F--- F--- F--- and I don't usually swear.
This is not the news that we wanted either, and it is pretty damning.
I had the wonderful opportunity to Meet Mavis, this past fall and she is as wonderful as she seems to be. I hope that the two of you can meet also. She is a tower of strength for you, and she deals with some pretty rotten things in her life as well.
We also were glued to the television during the Olympics and have been remiss in reading the blog.
I am hoping that there will be a miracle happen on the West coast and am concentrating all of my good healing thoughts to send to you.
Hugs
Daphne (from Ontario)
Roni, Like Mavis, I have to say that "if ever there was someone who deserved some good news it's you".
You have been such an inspiration to not just me but to all the members of our "tea party sisterhood".
I have cried out to God about the unfairness of your recent health issues (and I do mean cried). I am also praying to Our Lady to intervene with her Son on your behalf. Prayers should be said by everyone who knows you, as well as by you too. They do work.
I wish I could come up from California to give you a hug in person. Cyber hugs are not as good, but I give them to you just the same.
Mary Margaret
wow, that really sucks!! sending some huge hugs your way!!
Ashton is in full walking mode!! and climbing up onto the couch now!! It scares the crap out of me!!
I too am going through some stuff. The doctor found a lesion on my cervix after I had Ashton. I go to the doctor at the end of this month to talk about the swab she did and figure out what to do next. I am scared shitless!! I should also add that it isn't cancerous at the moment!!
"Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway." ~Emory Austin
-------
You've put up an amazing fight thus far, so keep on fighting. You can do it! Don't give up hope.
You're in my thoughts, and I'm sending much positivity your way.
Big hugs to you, Roni!
~Crissy
My dear friend Roni,
I love you. You are such a hero to me. I have learned so much about life from you. Treasure it.
Tell people you love them every day.
Treat each day as if it is your last.
Have no regrets.
Approach life with abandon.
Share your best moments and your worst fears.
Cry.
I cannot express how much your friendship means to me. I know you will continue as you always have to fight for your life. I pray Dr Klimo can help you in the battle.
I thoroughly enjoyed volunteering at the Olympics and we will have some sharing to do for sure. While I was volunteering when we weren't busy I could sit and knit. I made 12 toques to donate and I was written up in the workforce newsletter for doing that. I hope you will find the appropriate place for them to be given to patients who have lost their hair to cancer. If anyone wants the pattern it is online on the Bernat website
http://www.bernat.com/search.php?key=sjk&searchResults=&PATTERNS=Search
Keep up the fight Roni, we need you around here for a long time as we still have some things to learn from you about life. Sending all my love and prayers, Your friend Rae
Sandra - I love getting your message - you, Mavis and Daphne are alaways th first to respond and that means the world to me. We have never met, but we have a special bond and I love it! And yep - the Olympics were grear and Canada should be damned proud - and I am so proud to be a Canadian!
Chantal- nicely surprised to see your response! And sorry I woke you guys up this morning. But I told Rick I would keep him up to speed - this affects our three kids and he needs to be there for them - many years down the road, I might add! Hope we can get together when you get home.
Daphne - hell, I wasn't reading the blog - the Olympics were far more interesting and a lot more fun! That is all I watched for the 17 days... was amazing. That is all we can ask for now is a miracle - and it will come in some form.
Hey Shouva - yes send prayers.... I have my rosary (about 150 years old) to Patrick to take with him for his safety - will need to get it back - it is a very special one. And I feel your cyber-hug and all the others that have been sent to me. And it would be great to see you again and Rain and Carol.... the 4 moustakeers!!!! Hope work on the house is coming along nicely!! I will have to try and get there to see it some day and down to Carol's too!
Tamara - so glad to hear Ashton is getting all over the place... and he is just starting kid, he will be in more places than you could ever think of. Yes, get the rsults of those tests - will relieve your thoughts - and glad they think it is non-cancerous, let's just keep it that way.
Hey Crissy - so nice to hear from you especially with what you have been going through this past month! Don't you worry, I won't be giving up any time soon! We have to meet ya know and have a glass or two of wine!!!
I am hoping for some warmer weather so that I can get back out into the garden - it is looking sad and I have more bulbs to plant - will be having flowers in the fall and spring that should have been up in the spring - but who cares - it will look pretty and that is what counts.
Rae - always love to see your posts....you know me.... I don't give up - may feel sorry for myself and I am allowed to do that once in a while...... I would love to go with you to the cancer clinic when you take the hats - would mean a great deal to me. And yes we have to get together and compare notes and have a glass of wine. There seems to be a wine theme here!
Thank you to all that have posted - keep on posting - who cares what it is about..... just nice to see friendly faces here...... and damn it, I am going to meet some of you!!!!!
Now off to call Dr. Klimo and hoping I can get into see him soon - now it is hurry up and wait - juus left a phone message.
Love
Roni
Mah, not much I can say that you don't already know besides I will stand beside you everyday. You give everyone that knows you a fighting reason to live. That no matter how shitty their life may seem there is ALWAYS a reason to stand and fight. And thanks from all of those who post on the blog, and from those that don't.
We love you mom,
P
Thank you Patrick - that was beautiful and damn it, you made me cry again!!! I know it cleans out the toxins, but enough already!!!!
Love ya
Mah
Roni - yes we DO have to meet - by gosh or by golly. I had the chance to meet some cyber-sisters (or "sisters of the heart" as we think of it)this past summer and it was like we had known each other forever. It's true - Daphne doesn't swear - but this is for a very good cause :-))
My prayers for you are for restful sleep so your body can fight as hard as your mind is.
My prayers for your doctors and others who care for you is for wisdom to find what works for you.
My prayers for your kids and Brian are for safety (especially for Patrick) and strength - you have an impenetrable circle of LOVE around you - with a second circle of your friends right behind them - a double fortress as it were. We ask for nothing less than a miracle!
much love, Mavis
Roni, I am so very sorry........but you are a very courageous lady, and I know you wont give in easily.
You have been such an inspiration, sharing my stepD's fight against AML, I turn to your blogs for encouragement for her......her remission only lasted 6 months, and she is fighting again...
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, God Bless lovely lady xx
In this life one would ask where would you find the power of personal inner strength. I can honestly say from my heart that you RONI are the that example. An example that anyone and everyone could learn from. Roni you have been dealt a very rotten hand of life and through it all you have faced each step with more inner strength then anyone could ask for. Things and people change all around you and I must admit things in my life have changed as well. This Apr/May Sherley and I are becoming grandmas once more. In Jun we are becoming great aunts again. Now for the best news I can think off - Sherley & I have set a date for our wedding - we are getting married on the 4th Sept 2010(labor day weekend). I must say my life is taking a step to the bright side. Roni may you always be able to find the inner strength you will need each day.
Love Lois
As my bracelet says, f%&k cancer.
Go for the Tamoxifen ...I'll think of you every morning when I take mine.
Hang in there.
Pam ; )
I hope you will be pain-free and have good appetite and good energy soon. Sometimes life is a joke, no matter we want to laugh or cry at it. Still have hope, like Dr. Klimo might give you a good treatment.
It's great you are able to write this blog to share your cancer fighting experiences and the ups and downs in life. Wish you all the best! No matter what, you are winning the battle with your spirit.
I LOVE Nikki G's comment and I totally want a bracelet like Pam's!!! Hey Roni don't you think it would make an interesting tattoo :-0 LOL
Love you girl - and you are so one for the wine! Her's to antioxidants from grapes!!! YAY!
Hugs, love & laughter, Bonnie
Funny how a bad thing like cancer brings out the good in people. You are an inspiration. Hopefully I can come by for that coffee soon. Next week I am in Disneyland but after that I will check in with you. Hugs, Mary.
Veronica... Your courage and your willingness to share openly how you feel, good or bad and your complete honesty to tell the truth even when it makes your heart ache is to be honored & commended and this is why you have the most wonderful Support Sisters all over the world who love you! You are truly loved for your kicking butt attitude!! You have been dealt a crappy hand but you keep coming back with Aces! You encourage us all and I say this not only because your are my older aunt (okay...so only by 8 days, who's counting) but because your beauty shines through in your strength and zest for life. You teach encouragement, you tell us life is too short to sweat the small stuff, you tell us to drink wine and laugh, you tell us to forget about housework and get involved in life, you tell us to love our families and share our food and You tell us to never give up our Hope. You are a Beautiful Bright Light in this world and you are my HERO. BRAVO, BRAVO.... Girlfriend! I love you... Eileen
Roni, I have been remiss in not keeping up eith the Blog and now am totally gobsmacked at your latest news. Serves me right for getting tied up with other things.
All my love goes to you in this latest battle, I appreciate your faith, your sense of humour, your kick it in the ass attitude and your Irish dander. I wish I could be there to drink a cappucino with you or just a good whisky. Might be coming to Canada in 2011 (summer!!) ..see you then if I do ..thats a promise..
Love Anne T from Oz
Roni,
Reading your blog has brought tears to my eyes. Keep up the good fight. You are such an inspiration.
Sending lots of love and hugs and positive healing vibes,
Anne G.
Hi Roni,
So sorry to hear the bad news but if I am right about you, you will keep on fighting and will never give up! The bloody cancer is sorry it is picking on you! You are truly an inspiration to us all.
It is a hard fight and you have so much courage, strength, good attitude, but most of all - a great sense of humour!
Try all avenues that are available to you. I have read great things about Dr. Klimo so give it a shot.
You have a lot of family and friends that will pray for you, hug you, cry for you and laugh with you!
As the curling jargon goes, CURL HARD!!!
Carla
Roni,
Though I haven't come close to being someone you could call a friend, nor have I seen or spoken with you all this time. I do think of you and pray for you often.
I'm embarrassed to say that I now live not 5 minutes from your place, and yet my inner struggles and guilt, maybe shame from my experiences in the past, and yes fear....have all stopped me from reaching out to you. For this, I am truly sorry - to you and to Brian as well.
I guess all I can say is I have been following your blog all along and your inner strenght and positive attitude inspires NO! FORCES me to look at my life in a very different light.
We are very different, you and I, but you have affected my life in ways that you can't immagine. I am humbled by your strength, your courage, and your spirit.
I wish you much hope, peace and comfort right now, precious time with your family and those beautiful grand-kids especially!
Just know that you have my support, and anything that you guys may need, a meal etc.
Many hugs and prayers,
Pavlina
I don't usually post on here and when I do, it is usually just a light-hearted comment. I know how much this blog means to you and how important it is for people to post here. I maybe can be the voice of those who don't post responses, but support you just the same.
I always keep my emotions close to me and don't like to be the one who is crying when everyone else is. I always have been that way- group grief makes me so uncomfortable. Coming from a family of criers, someone needs to hold their shit together - that has been me. :) You used to think (and maybe still do) that because I don't cry as much, I don't feel as much as those who do. Not true.
I care as much as everyone else and cry as hard as everyone does - just alone. For those that read your blog, there are many who are the same.
I know that I don't depend on you or go to you as often as Meghan or Patrick do, but know that I love you just as much.
I am also behind you as much as everyone else. I am just quieter about it that others, but my support is just as strong.
We have a different relationship, I think, than you do with M and P. I don't know why, or how that came to be, but that is jsut how it is. Sometimes you and I can be too similar and other times we are too different. But I don't think this is unique in other parent/child relationships. And no matter what our relationshp looks like, I love and support you no matter what.
This was not the news you wanted, or I think, was even expecting. And like you, I continue to cry when I think about what you are facing. And I can't get my head around what it is you are feeling or what it is that is coming your way.
You have such great strength to take on and make so public what you are facing, no, tackling. I know sometimes you don't feel that strong at times, but you are.
You also have to know that behind you is your family, and behind them are these amazing friends and supporters that continually come here to check up on you, some of them voicing how they feel and others praying quietly for you. And know that for every one friend who posts their support here, there are 3 others how are silently behind you, praying for you and wishing for your strength and good health.
I know you wish that people had more time, more visits, more phone calls and more posts from people. But one thing is, I don't think you could have any more love or support than you do from this amazing group of supporters you have behind you.
Not sure what tomorrow, next week, next month or next year will look like. But it is easier for me (I like to think the world revolves around me, apparantly it doesn't) to accept the future knowing that you are not alone. And that you have left a permanent mark on hearts of more people than you can imagine.
I love you and support you. (And I think I have now maxed out on my public emotion quota).
Shannon
Roni,
As we discussed the other night, this obviously isn't the results we were hoping for or expecting. I think what has become clear though is the support you have behind you. I really like what Shannon just posted... for every 1 person who responds to the post with their wishes, there are at least 3 more who are silently praying for this disease to leave you the *$@% alone. Although everyone doesn't call or email all the time, you are ALWAYS on their minds.
I can't tell you how many people you have touched and inspired. You have an amazing level of strength that so few have. I constantly look up to you, Roni, and value the friendship that we have.
I am really excited for our lunch outing on Saturday, mmm Mongolian!!!! Can't wait to share more laughs with you :)
Much love and hugs,
Kyle
Time for me to respond to a few of the posts here - this might take a wee but as there were a lost of posts last week.
To - Patrick, Mavis, Lois, Pam, Simmy, Bonnie, Mary, Eileen, Annie T, Anne G, Carla & Jerry, Shannon and Kyle.
Thank each and every one of your for your comments - the words mean a great deal to me and I know that you are all with me in the battle. I know that Shannon's words got to me (in a good way) and I know they got to Meghan and Patrick. The laughs and giggles that were in some of the comments - they sure maede me smile!!!Sorry for all those folks east of the Rockies and the winter you are still getting. Beautiful here on the west coast again - sunny and cool out. Congrats to Lois & Sherely on their upcoming wedding - all the best to you both. Thank you Kyle for a great lunch the other day - had a great time - and for those of you who live around me - the King Mongolian Grill Restaurant in downtown PoCo is great - $6.50 for lunch and we were both stuffed! Pam I love your bracelet!!!! Annie T - hope that your health is improving and 2011 is a date!
That is about it for now. There is a new posting on the blog by Brian, please take a read!
Hugs to everyone!
Roni
PS - please put your name so I know who I am talking with!
Post a Comment